SPONGE
Lab File 8
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Kilroy's liver is supernatural
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -70%
Irish stereotypes notwithstanding, Kilroy McDooley has demonstrated on multiple occasions a capacity to consume alcohol that rivals many fraternities.

12-13-91 : Kilroy drinks an entire keg. It it unknown if the keg was completely full, but witness testimony suggests that it was. Later, Kilroy scrambles over rooftops with little difficulty.

10-02-92 : Kilroy accidentally drinks a glass of turpentine. Negative effects were minimal.

04-20-93 : Kilroy starts annual Arkham Tavern Crawl (between the three Arkham pubs). He visits each pub eleven times.

07-15-93 : Dr. Bustoffson replaces Kilroy's oxygen tanks with whiskey before their dive in the Bahamas. Kilroy never seems to notice or complain, and manages a 500 meter dive.

10-14-94 : Kilroy participates in October Fest in Innsmouth undercover. Little of his investigation was accomplished, but he did win the two mile swim after consuming a case of Flagon o' Dagon beer (no other contestant actually competed).

11-08-95 : Budweiser delivery truck crashes in front of SPONGE headquarters. The driver insists the truck was full of beer, but when a tow-truck arrives there is no beer at the scene. Kilroy insists he doesn't like Budweiser. No trace of the beer is ever found at SPONGE.

04-24-95 : SPONGE officers undergo special physical exams. Kilroy's liver-palpation results are normal.

05-12-95 : Kilroy drinks obscene quantities of Amstel Light in a ritual that he and Frank West insist was necessary to prevent the escape of Yog-Sothoth.

11-16-97 : Kilroy and I develop a vehicle that actually runs on Guinness. We are never able to acquire sufficient amounts of the liquid to properly test the vehicle.

12-04-98 : Kilroy tries to make annual Arkham Tavern Crawl into a daily event. After two days, the taverns close for a week.

04-28-99 : SPONGE officers undergo special physical exams. Kilroy's liver-palpation results are still normal.

05-11-99 : Kilroy concocts a grain alcohol that he claims is 800 proof. Some spills on a houseplant that later is found shrivelled up.

Postulations: Kilroy's liver is inhuman.

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